I have been thinking a lot about consequences lately. Then I came across
this article that describes how our nation has created a generation of wimps by removing obstacles and barriers for children. It explains a situation where parents demand that the teachers and professors give their children a special exception or a better grade. Another scenario presented is how young children on sports teams are coached by many adults, told where to stand on the field and what to do. So there is not a chance of a child making a mistake or being disappointed. What a tragedy.
When I was in college, I took a class called "Communication Law and Ethics." It was not an easy class. I had Dr. Shipman. He was not an easy professor. I didn't study enough. I didn't try hard enough on assignments. I didn't go to class enough. When grades were posted, I failed. No "D for diploma." It was an "F for failure." I emailed Dr. Shipman, hoping for grace, expecting a second chance. I didn't get it. I failed the class. I would have to take it over. I did. I took it again. I studied harder. I read more, tried with more intention on homework. I went to class. I passed. And I was a better student because of it. I am not trying to brag. Fortunately for me, I was raised with an incredible mom. She wasn't perfect. She made mistakes. She also taught me the value of working hard. She taught me that hard work is important. She showed me how when you make mistakes, you accept the consequences and try to not make the same ones again.
I hope to be the same kind of mom to my daughter. One who instills the importance of hard work, learning from mistakes, and handling normal obstacles of life. I will not call her teachers if she makes a bad grade, insisting that it must be the teacher's fault. She is not perfect. She will have a hard time doing something (even though, right now, I can't imagine that she would fail at anything). I will not put unnecessary obstacles in her way, but I won't remove a normal barrier that could very well be the lesson she needs to learn.
So, all of that has been rolling around in my brain, while also thinking about people in life who don't feel like they have to face consequences. The ones whose parents think that writing a big check or calling the teacher to dispute a grade is the answer. The ones who think the teacher is to blame for the bad grade or the unlearned lesson. It is heart-breaking to me. Frustrating. And the thing is, I shouldn't feel upset or mad. Had Dr. Shipman given me that second chance or changed my grade, I wouldn't have learned the lesson. If I had my parents call to attack Dr. Shipman, I would have only discovered that I never have to be responsible, I just need to have the loudest or richest parent to survive.
Then, to top it off, I was thinking about God and His grace. I was trying to reconcile these thoughts about having to face consequences and then trying to balance them with how God's grace factors in. I talked with a good friend and she reminded me that while God offers forgiveness and grace, He doesn't always shield us from the consequences for our actions. "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus, our Lord." (Rom 6:23). It doesn't say that the gift of God is shelter from ever feeling disappointed. The gift is not a shield that means we will never be hurt or experience pain.
I don't have some beautiful wrap-up, make-this-all-make-sense ending. I just have found so much comfort in the barriers that are anything but comfortable. I am so grateful for the obstacles that have become the teachers. At the time, I wasn't, but the older, more mature (questionable.) me is. And as Mother's Day approaches, and I think about how I see my mom live this out, I hope to be that mom. May I remember this incredible mom-ism: "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit."
